Monday, May 5, 2014

Church Jokes!

Many Christians will question whether we should joke about daily things within the Church. However, brining laughter to our lives is a positive thing, even when we joke about daily practices. Please receive the following jokes in a positive manner.

A friend was in front of me coming out of the church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside.
The Pastor told him, “You need to join the Army of the Lord”.
My friend replied, “I’m already in the Army of the Lord, Father”. The Pastor then questioned him, “How come I don’t see you except at Christmas and Easter?”
He whispered back, “I’m in the secret service”.


Three Pastors in the south were having lunch in a diner. One said "Ya know, since summer started I've been having trouble with bats in my loft and attic at church. I've tried everything--noise, spray, cats--nothing seems to scare them away. Another said "Yea, me too. I've got hundreds living in my belfry and in the narthex attic. I've even had the place fumigated, and they won't go away." The third said, "I baptized all mine, and made them members of the church... Haven't seen one back since!!!"

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. I immediately ran over and said "Stop! Don't do it!"
 "Why shouldn't I?" he said.
   I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!"
  "Like what?"
  "Well ... are you religious or atheist?"
  "Religious."
  "Me too! Are you Christian or Jewish?"
  "Christian."
  "Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?"
      
   "Protestant."
   "Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?"
   "Baptist."
   "Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?"
   "Baptist Church of God."
   "Me too! Are you Original Baptist Church of God, or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?"
   "Reformed Baptist Church of God."
   "Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915?"
  "Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915!"
   To which I said, "Die, heretic scum!" and pushed him off.


A minister was walking to church one morning when he passed one of his members working in his garden. "Can't you hear those bells calling you to church?" asked the minister.
"Eh, what's that?" said the member.
"Can't you hear those bells calling you to church?"
"I'm afraid you'll have to speak a little louder!" said the member.
"CAN'T YOU HEAR THOSE BELLS CALLING YOU TO CHURCH?!" shouted the minister.
"I'm sorry," said the member, "I can't hear you because of those darned BELLS!"


There was a little old cleaning woman that went to the local church. When the invitation was given at the end of the service, she went forward wanting to become a member. The pastor listened as she told him how she had accepted Jesus and wanted to be baptized and become a member of the church. The pastor thought to himself, "oh my, she is so unkempt, even smells a little, and her fingernails are not clean. She picks up garbage, cleans toilets - what would the members think of her." He told her that she needed to go home and pray about it and then decide. The following week, here she came again. She told the pastor that she had prayed about it and still wanted to be baptized. "I have passed this church for so long. It is so beautiful, and I truly want to become a member." Again the pastor told her to go home and pray some more. A few weeks later while out eating at the restaurant, the pastor saw the little old lady. He did not want her to think that he was ignoring her so he approached her and said, "I have not seen you for a while. Is everything all right?" "Oh, yes," she said. "I talked with Jesus, and he told me not to worry about becoming a member of your church." "He did?" said the pastor. "Oh, yes" she replied. "He said even He hasn't been able to get into your church yet, and He's been trying for years."

2 comments:

  1. The last one is definitely the best - not just a joke, but making a serious point. I heard a true story about an Anglican priest who disguised himself as a down and out tramp, and sat by the entrance to the church, begging. Pretty much all of his congregation ignored him. When the church was full and it was time for the service to begin he walked in to the church and took off his disguise. Almost everyone in the congregation was very angry with him.

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  2. Follow the link below. I wrote a similar story (maybe it's the same..!).
    http://londinoupolis.blogspot.co.uk/2013/08/the-homeless-priest.html

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