SOCIALISM
You have 2
cows.
You give one
to your neighbour.
COMMUNISM
You have 2
cows
The State
takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM
You have 2
cows.
The State
takes both and sells you some milk.
BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2
cows.
The State
takes both, shoots one, milks the other and then throws the milk away.
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two
cows.
You sell one
and buy a bull.
Your herd
multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell
them and retire on the income.
VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two
cows.
You sell
three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened
by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an
associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax
exemption for five cows.
The milk
rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island
Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all
seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual
report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two
cows.
You sell
one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you
hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two
cows.
You go on
strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two
cows, but you don’t know where they are.
You decide
to have lunch.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have
5,000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge
the owners for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two
cows.
You have 300
people milking them.
You claim
that you have full employment and high bovine productivity.
You arrest
the newsman who reported the real situation.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two
cows.
You worship
them.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two
cows.
Both are
mad.
AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone
thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell
them that you have none.
Nobody
believes you, so they bomb the crap out of you and invade your country.
You still
have no cows but at least you are now a Democracy.
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two
cows.
Business
seems pretty good.
You close
the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.
A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two
cows.
The one on
the left looks very attractive.
A GREEK CORPORATION
You have two
cows borrowed from French and German banks.
You eat both
of them.
The banks
call to collect their milk, but you cannot deliver so you call the IMF.
The IMF
loans you two cows.
You eat both
of them.
The banks
and the IMF call to collect their cows/milk.
You are out
getting a haircut.
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